SM34, everything you say makes sense if OM is indeed an OM; i.e., some real emotional or physical exchanges have taken place between Gordie's wife and the OM. I believe no such thing has happened. I believe Gordie's wife is having a delusional episode.
It's one thing for me to say that I am totally in love with <name of some movie star>. It is a completely different thing for me to say that the movie star and I have something going on between us. If I truly believe that, I need professional help. It is called psychosis.
Furthermore, I am not suggesting Gordie go blow this up into a confrontation. I am merely suggesting Gordie talk to the 22 year old kid to confirm that his wife is delusional in this regard. I am not suggesting that he take that info and go rub it into his wife's face, necessarily. But it will help him understand where his wife is, mentally, and put to rest his concern that his W is going to go co-habitate w/ this 22 year old kid after she divorces him. She can believe that, but I believe Gordie needs to stop buying into that delusion. It's not a fantasy, but a delusion.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final