MLC W and preparing for S or D in the new year

[SM34]

ForGump I have some observations from my sitch as well as many others. And it's also built into DB principles. It's the idea of patience. When you think you've waited long enough, you need to wait some more. And it's brutal. Only the patient person can get the outcome we all want, which is a healthy marriage with their spouse and a connected family.

Here are the problems with bursting her bubble too early:

1) it takes time for the MLC or WW fog to clear. It's very thick right now and she can't make good decisions

2) removing OM from the picture too early will almost guarantee OM2

3) because OM is a guy who is guaranteed to have issues of his since no level headed and life driven man fishes for other peoples spouses, he is a good third wheel to have. The wife is simply parked in a tow away zone right now

4) let's say OM is nudged out of the picture too early and W is not ready to look back at Husband. Technically she is now separated and so OM2 could very well be an actual candidate to actually keep her. He could be in his 40s or 50s, divorced in the past, have his head on straight, career driven guy who is ready to commit to a divorcee wife with 5 kids. The 22 year old OM is not.

5) the crisis has to run its course. If it takes let's say 6 months or 1 year, think of how many OMs can be crammed into that time period? Geordie may be able to look past one OM and reconcile with his W but can he look past two? How about three?

6) if the other time hires a rookie quarterback wouldn't you prefer those odds rather than a seasoned veteran?

Personally, I left my W in the company of the loser who helped her escape. I played a waiting game. I made sure I was the safe place for her while also "acting as if" I was ok with moving on. The better you do this acting as if the more pressure you place on her and therefore the more strain on this new OM and their R together.

Your 22 year old is exactly like the OM in my sitch. He's not ready for kids and is just in the company of someone as broken as he is. Birds of a feather flock together. You wouldn't want him removed too quickly making way for a OM2 who could be an emotionally healthy guy who would be dating a separated woman. That changes the situation drastically.

That is my opinion.

I'd leave it alone. I'd let it run it's course. Let it be a learning experience for his W. I've seen people apply pressure too early and end up for being a OM2 situation. Or forcing an early reconciliation and then deal with OM2 a year later.

Wife has to learn the lesson. She has to go through with her plans to the very end. See the plan through. She's escaping her life that's fillled with kids and laundry and dishes. She's going to start a new life with someone who doesn't have kids (same as OM in my story). She's going to do all the things she can't do in her real life. The fantasy is too powerful. The way out is to let her see it through all the way until it pops and the reality hits like a ton of bricks.

Can you imagine the issues that will arise from this OMs perspective? I can tell you a few from my sitch:

1) he isn't good with kids and doesn't know what he's doing. This will be a turn off for any mother. She will tell him he needs to learn.

2) he won't appreciate the times when she needs to take care of little junior who has a cold. And she will tell him He needs to learn.

3) every time she mentions her H he will tell her not to mention him. Because he's not comfortable hearing about another man who is obviously so tied into her life. And she will tell him he needs to get used to it, and learn.

So a pattern here? The W tries to make a husband and father out of her new OM and the single guy almost always fails. I like Gordies chances the way they are.