Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #2

[Woke_Up]

Journaling:

It has been a day of arguments or attempted arguments, since the 'moving the bed' issue. I am apparently a beta male, not a leader, and not willing to protect my family - apparently she 'had' to move it because of the new bed coming, therefore I forced her by not doing it. If I was an alpha she would never have needed to look for another man, etc etc.

She kept going back to me saying it was 'weird' when she tried to lay across me on the sofa yesterday, and that it was if it was weird, why would I ML to her, etc. (She had started this by saying to D that daddy didn't want her there anyway, when she did it) We had a long conversation last night in bed about it, I said it was weird due to her EA, and that I realised I couldn't love her back to me, or sex her back to me. It was a meandering conversation, not sure it resolved anything. It kept spiralling back to me saying I wouldn't wrk on things while A was in progress. That came up today, and WW asked why should she think I would work on anything if she ended A, if I hadn't worked on anything before. I asked her if she thought just I had to work on things or whether she had to work on things to. She didn't really answer, she said she knew she had faults, but didn't say she would actually work on them.

She has decided to have D4's room and D4 will have the spare room. D4 seems OK with this, a bit of excitement and change. She didn't like her room much lately, hence sleeping back in the MBR with us. Mind you she also asked where I would be sleeping when mummy moved room, and if I would sleep in her (D4's) room with her.

Sad to say that a lot of these conversations & arguments today were in front of D4, including being told I was a bad man, and then D4 piping up that I was good. It breaks my heart that we can't have these things in private, without the kids around. She even told me she'd spoken to D4 about moving to the village where we used to live (where D's school is). I said that we should have these discussions with D together.

I think it looks like we are heading for an in house S. She was bent on moving into another room anyway, blaming her lack of sleep. I want her in another room - I wasn't willing to go back in the spare room.

She thinks I should give her the house and not worry about my 'half'. TBH, I'm not worried, I'm just not going to commit to anything until I speak to a L - I have an appointment on Wednesday.

I think if I did that she would struggle, I honestly don't think she appreciates the running costs and the mortgage. She thinks the child maintenance I would provide would just about cover everything - I don't think it would. I also wouldn't be working a contracting away from home to provide for my W & family if this happened. I would get a regular job closer to home so I could see my kids and share custody. The downside is that there would be less money available, for all of us. This is not a punishment - I honestly think it would be better for me & the kids for me to be closer to home.

I am hopeful that my online course in Agile PM will help me get a job closer to home, so I can move from engineering to IT project management. I may even be able to remain contracting through my own business that way. That is my plan.

Anyway, I did some good work outside, got a tree stump out, levelled the ground and started getting gravel down. I didn't see D as much as I would have liked. When I came in to play with her, WW started spewing and making sure I had to do other things as she felt it wasn't fair on her.

Did some stuff for D's room, picked up SS16, want to do some of my course now, get my head together. Think I will go for some telephone coaching.