Help

[PsySara]

Okay first thing. STOP! Stop reacting, stop this emotional reactivism. Stop talking to your wife and start LISTENING. Go do the home work Cadet assigned, particularly the part about validating your wife.

If my husband was a recovering addict and fell off the wagon, then LIED and then finally fessed up, heck yeah I would be drawing boundaries in the sand. I would likely put him on "probation" for six months which would include random urine tests and he would have to attend AA/NA and get a sponsor.

Want to save your marriage? You need to look in the mirror and ask yourself some HARD questions. Like, why would you throw your family, hard earned trust and marriage away for a quick high? You cannot save your marriage until you save yourself. You have the gift of time, it's time to detach, this means to stop reacting to what your wife does and says and ACT! Start going to meetings, start reading the DR book. (I recommend DR over DB as the writer states DR is an improvement on DB) Bare minimum you can apologize repeatedly to your wife when she screams anger at you. She is hurt and betrayed by your drug relapse. As far as she is concerned all this "progress" and "change" you made just went up in smoke. You are starting at ground zero. So, what are your goals for 180ing this week? Concrete, measurable goals like, I will only validate when wife and I speak. I will not bring up relationship and marriage talks but will be receptive if wife brings it up.

Stop REACTING!