"That was 13 years ago, I'm not quite sure I even remember that mindset."
It's easy. You just have to start doing the things you love FOR YOURSELF.
Ah man, I know this feeling! And I totally get your answer as well, Mr Bond.
Except mine was 18 years ago. And I can barely remember the stuff I was interested in, before I met H...a whole lifetime ago. Geesh.
Nevertheless, dig deep and think about the stuff you used to do that gave you pleasure. Stuff that's not connected with your WS. And find classes, groups, workshops...stuff that will fill your time, and *stop you ruminating*.
Then think of stuff that you would be interested in trying that's never even crossed your mind before and do that too (I'm almost at this point).
Those things will help reconnect you to yourself.
Also physical activity (if the stuff you're interested in isn't physical) will help reconnect you to your (physical) self. That's important too, to feel at home in your physical self, to take pleasure in being in your physical self.
Because everything is so flipping darn painful at the moment.
It takes time, but as well as that, it takes strength and determination. Even one tiny step (figuring out what you want to try and looking it up online) is a small step forwards, or going to the gym. And if you count up lots and lots and lots of tiny steps, after a week/month/whatever, you've actually traveled pretty far, and are building something solid *for yourself* that nobody can take away from you.
Plus you get to meet new people who have absolutely no connection to your WS, and you as the partner of your WS. They just get to know you as a distinct human being And that's very empowering as well.
Me personally, I'm playing around a little with this side of things. How do I want to be? Who do I want to be? For so long I was in WH's shadow, in every sense of the word...socially, work situations, everything. Now it's all about me. Who am I and who do I want to be? Up to meet decide :))
