About the age gap.......has she made recent references to her age? The closer she gets to her 40's, the more it may bother her that she is M to a much younger man. However, it is no guarantee. I have known a couple of women who were ten to fifteen years older than their H. In the beginning, it doesn't bother them, and it may even be an ego shot for their self esteem. The downside for them was the pressure to look as young as their H. Of course, the older they got, and the more people would ask about their ages.....the tougher it became to look and act 10-15 years younger. These women I knew were very jealous of any younger woman who showed attention to their H's, or vise-versa. So, it can be pressure for the older woman to "keep up" with her younger H. She would need to have a very healthy self esteem, IMHO.
How long had your W been out of her 2 year long-term R, before she met you and began dating? Was the other guy from her previous R younger, older, or close to her age? I hope she did not go with you as some sort of revenge tactic toward the previous man. I've known that to happen.....especially when it was the woman who got dumped for OW. What better way to hurt their previous man than to go with a guy almost half his age? Naturally, Not all women think this way.....but a few do.
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Well i always asked if i could access to the bank accounts for the rentals just to see. She said no,
Did she give a reason for saying "no"? If these are joint properties, you have the right to see, If you have joint accounts, you have the right to see it. Have you carelessly spent money in the past? It sounds as if she doesn't trust you......or that she is keenly planning for her future.
Perhaps both of you are controllers?
Back to the fights.....did you ever feel she was treating you more like her child than her H? This type of behavior can happen in any MR, and age is not a factor. Did you see her trying to manipulate you.....or were you upset b/c she would not cooperate in doing what you wanted? Both of you are stubborn, so how were the fights finally resolved or settled......or, were they?
Keep posting and telling us more.
BTW, has there been any inappropriate behavior with others, since the M?
The age gap i didn't see as a barrier. The fights were kinda brushed under the rug or i attempted to compromise with her. The fights were kinda of ended but one of us would bring up the past or a previous fight and we are both so stubborn that we couldn't agree on anything during a fight. I just felt bad and apologized to her. She is now 43 and I'm 31. She could get a little jealous of me talking to the opposite sex, and i could too. She would talk about marital issues on social media, or when she's at work, which i saw a betrayal and always expressed to come to me. I can now see why she didn't. When she would do that, id shut off her phone and change the wifi passwords because i didn't like the feeling of her talking to others about our problems. Another big fight was about having a baby and traveling. I really wanted a child with her and she didn't. So i held resentment. She had been out of her 2yr R for a few years when i met her.
I have spent money carelessly and she has expressed to me before we got married to have rental properties so we can have a better future.
When she was talking to me about D, my W mentioned that she's too old to wait around and see if i change this time because i have said that in the past. She's never lied to me, even though i tried to catch her in a lie, she didn't. She is a very honest person. I felt like i couldn't trust her because of her bartending job, the social media cries, and her not letting me have access to rental accounts.
There has not been any inappropriate behavior on her part. Early on in the marriage, she saw i was texting a young female friend i knew which made it uncomfortable for her. She asked i stop, so i said i would. I changed her name in my phone, lied about the person and continued texting, and at the time i didn't see a problem because it wasn't sexual or i wanted to cheat on my W. So when she found out who this person was, she flipped a switch. We were married for about 2 months at this point. So to show my W how much i cared, i called the girl up, ended the friendship, and told her we can't be friends and talk ever again. I did this in front of my W. My W brings this up very often during fights. She also likes to fight about me not liking her friends, and says her friends are an extension of her. I didn't want her friends to come to the house, well certain ones, because i didn't like their values, sexual orientation, or the person for whatever reason i could come up with. That bothered her a lot. I have since apologized to her friends, sincerely and asked for forgiveness. Most of all of them accepted and i thought that would my W more appreciative.
I kinda felt like she treated me like a child, but looking at my past behavior i was acting petulant. I felt like when we fought, i was protected by the vows of marriage and she wouldn't leave. She try to control what i ate, or how i should dress, or bring me places i felt uncomfortable at.
The worst thing about this, is how adamant she is about D, and the longer i keep away from and not talk to her about anything, the more i feel like its going to make up her mind more. She explicitly expressed she doesn't love me, she doesn't want to be married anymore, she's checked out, she's done , there is nothing i can do to fix it, its too late for your change, "don't fight me on D like you have fought me on everything else"
My heart aches so much, i can't bear it, and i have seen my erroneous ways and i would like to compromise more with her and forgive and forget any resentment I have had. I know i haven't expressed the correct love toward her, or the love she expressed for me.
Advice i have gotten from others, and i came clean about everything, is to tell her i will do anything for her. Reassure her everyday ill support her and help her in anyway. I have went to the doctor to get pills to stop smoking, i haven't initiated any contact with her, even though she asks me if I'm staying on the ship. I just wish there was some magic words, and i am committed to change. I have started personal counseling by myself. She knows and tells me i can use it for my next relationship.
