Help

[Luis]

Yes it has been, I love my family, but this is really wearing me down, I actually had a conversation with her yesterday, and I told her things that were bothering me, and things that she has said to is messing with my thoughts, and it's hard trying to stay positive and she denied saying anything

[MrBond]

So again, she stayed with you through your issues and you still blame her for your unhappiness. If you don't want to change go ahead and file. I'm sure she wasn't sad and lonely at all when she had to deal with your alcoholism and lying.

[LiM]

Luis,

Right now, if your goal is to save your M, you should not be talking to her about the issues YOU have with HER. That will only push her further away. You can deal with all of that in the future when things turn around but now is not the time to bring that stuff up.

[Rick1963]

Hi Luis be proud that u are trying to beat your addiction. Hard to conquer but doable.it takes time and many tries to remain clean. I won't beat up on you as some on here. I know you did that to yourself for many years. Not helpful.

If you want to try and save your marriage follow DB as much as you can. I hope that I'm wrong but there maybe another person in the mix.

Try and not focus on her too much. Instead focus on you because you will lose yourself in this.

Try and stay healthy. Work out read and be calm. Good luck my friend

[Luis]

I've been sober for five years now, I've been in therapy for that amount of time too, the problem is that if I do or don't do what she approves there is hell to pay, I would do everything possible to keep my family, she has quicked me out of the house, we have talked that morning and I told her I didn't want to leave that if there is anything we can do to help our marriage we could do it, she said to get out, now I'm renting a room, and she denied ever telling me to leave,,, I don't know what to anymore, I've been texting her, asking to come back, the only time she really talks is when she wants or needs anything, I'm lost and confused on what to do, she has called the police to get me out before, I'm to old to be getting in trouble with the law, I want what's best for everyone, any advice

[MrBond]

Did you read DB or DR? You keep saying you don't know what to do but the answers are there.

[Luis]

How can I get a digital copy of of it

[Luis]

I want to get them both,,,

[Luis]

Thanks for the support,, I'm trying to find the book right now, I appreciate everything

[PsySara]

Okay first thing. STOP! Stop reacting, stop this emotional reactivism. Stop talking to your wife and start LISTENING. Go do the home work Cadet assigned, particularly the part about validating your wife.

If my husband was a recovering addict and fell off the wagon, then LIED and then finally fessed up, heck yeah I would be drawing boundaries in the sand. I would likely put him on "probation" for six months which would include random urine tests and he would have to attend AA/NA and get a sponsor.

Want to save your marriage? You need to look in the mirror and ask yourself some HARD questions. Like, why would you throw your family, hard earned trust and marriage away for a quick high? You cannot save your marriage until you save yourself. You have the gift of time, it's time to detach, this means to stop reacting to what your wife does and says and ACT! Start going to meetings, start reading the DR book. (I recommend DR over DB as the writer states DR is an improvement on DB) Bare minimum you can apologize repeatedly to your wife when she screams anger at you. She is hurt and betrayed by your drug relapse. As far as she is concerned all this "progress" and "change" you made just went up in smoke. You are starting at ground zero. So, what are your goals for 180ing this week? Concrete, measurable goals like, I will only validate when wife and I speak. I will not bring up relationship and marriage talks but will be receptive if wife brings it up.

Stop REACTING!