Also, I'd be suspicious of the idea that she "doesn't want to start something with OM until you are separated". I would bet its already happening.

No one is leaving a marriage for something they aren't vested in. It can happen very quickly. My wife started to talk to a guy and within 1 week she was sure he was her "sole mate". Its a sickness that your wife is in, and you shouldn't believe what she says.

Remember Cadets advice:

"Believe none of what they say and only half of what you see".

Me, H-34 now 38
W-32 now 35
T-13 now 18 years
M-6 now 9
Daughter 3 years now 7
Bomb 11/27/12 - OM
1 year in house separation
Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017