I'm no expert but... This works! 4 years since BD

[Gordie]

Wow. That is inspiring. I too was asleep at the wheel. My W felt that we have drifted apart and lost our emotional connection (slowly, over 20 years of calm, both of us avoid conflict). The POM showers her with attention and then BD--she wants out of our M so she can pursue a R with him, though she says she still wants me too. I am very confident the R with the POM will either (1) not get off the ground because he is already in a committed relationship and doesn't reciprocate my W's feelings or (2) be short, as the reality of the R will not match up to the fantasy. What I am not confident of is what happens after that. Does she try to reconcile with me? Does she seek out OM2? Does she just want to remain independent (one of her stated goals)? I am trying to do your 1, 2 and 4. I'm sure she's doing 3 and the main way POM has compared better than me is in the attention and listening and understanding department--and that's what I'm focused on improving. Yes, I want to win her back but I've also realulized that I need to improve in these areas even if she doesn't come back because it is a better version of me, the person I was and who I want to be.