Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[AndrewP]

RE: the one day at a time idea...
Every night I take my wedding ring off and every morning I make a conscious decision about whether I want to wear it or not, rather than just permanently leaving it on. It is not something anyone else probably notices, but for me it is a way of being mindful about the fact that I am in control of myself and the direction I want to go in. More often than not, I put the ring on, but there are days where I don't - sometimes whole weekends where I don't. The choice is mine, that's what's important to me.

ccgrrl - Thank you for the visit to my thread and the kind comments. You seem like a very thoughtful person and your actions around how you are deciding day by day are in my mind very healthy.

I just wanted to touch base on your questions about a separation agreement since that seems to be the catalyst that has brought you to our little family here. Each jurisdiction is different but you need to be careful about cutting the other partner off from "marital assets". The advice of a lawyer would be invaluable here. Just make sure that when you go in that they don't waste time and your money filling out forms about how to put an agreement in place but instead instruct you on your rights and obligations. I can understand that being in the creative field that cash is tight but if you check there are often free consults available from most firms occasionally organized through their local law society. Social service agencies also often will provide you with information on resources. If in doubt, ask at your local family law court. Knowledge is power here. One key piece of knowledge from my own lawyer can be boiled down into 4 words. "Don't be an @ss". If you are tempted to do something, consider how it would look in court and then generally, don't do it.

For a "trial separation" you may not need to actually have any sort of formal agreement in place. Heck, my W has been gone for months and we have nothing at all in place and I've known of people who have gone for years without that. Presuming that your H is indeed going through some sort of crisis you can't count on them for anything. Especially anything rational or logical. That doesn't mean that you are obliged to do the heavy lifting though either. Keep a very careful eye on things. I get texts / emails on each transaction that goes through our bank account / credit card. Get your credit report usually available for free if you can and perhaps consider a credit monitoring service that will tell you if there are any enquiries.

As job so often writes to me - keep your expectations low. Don't expect him to be helpful in any of this and from what I've been advised a MLCr can often become quite antagonistic and obstructionist if pressed.

Good luck. Welcome to the last place you ever wanted to be. You are among friends.