That's me in the spotlight

[Altair]

Back from conference. Glad I went. Turned on heat, looking at mound of laundry. I remember this one conference I went to, like a year ago, so I'd already moved here and H and I were dealing with being apart, and he called me a bunch and was irritated that I couldn't find time to talk to him. I remember apologizing and said I had to go out for drinks with this one group, I called him when I got back to the hotel but he didn't want to talk then. I remember thinking he was being kind of a baby about it- not understanding that the whole thing is massive amounts of work-- I wondered if he was jealous but I didn't pick up on any jealousy. He said I'm really missing you and I don't like that we don't live together now. I felt sad and talked about when we'd see each other again. I think that is, to the week, when his EA started (well, if you look at when they started texting it was like 3 days after that conference). After that he never seemed to care about my conferencing and travel. It was weird, over those next few months he pulled way back and of course, I started pursuing. It is so confusing. I feel sometimes he's just mad at me and not speaking to me for 3 months is just punishment. Or that was some entering of MLC/depression back then. There are a lot of 'what ifs', but I do think the depression was inevitable. Had we been together I guess it might have manifested itself differently, I don't know. I remember thinking 'ok it'll be just 9 months of being apart then we'll be together again. And then it all blew up.