Thanks, HaWho. That's a great idea. I'll use that line, "I want to hear about you and your life." Its good one. I really would rather hear about what she's up to. I just wish she'd stop throwing XH in there. Its not that I want her to have to feel she needs to avoid talking about him, I just don't want that to be an anxiety issue that then becomes an anger issue for her.

I'm also a little jealous since I often ask if we can spend time together and she always insists I come to her (hour drive to her house or coffee near her work) but she'll drive up to spend time with H at the vacation home and is going on a ski trip with him in February. Kind of the grown up version of Disney dad.

Jealousy and control are my two big bugaboos. I'm getting better at the controlling my control issues (LOL), but that jealousy thing...well its my biggest control issue, isn't it? Yep! I need to get back to DB 101 with my kiddo as well as my XH. I can only control me and my reactions. So, I might try a new 180. I'm thinking that I will continue to not call her (its going to be tough!) and ONLY allow her to talk about herself. I think if she asks about me, I'll be vague and turn it back to her. I will do this with my daughter for 5 reasons. 1) She seldom asks about me anyway 2) I believe she runs to XH with any info I give her about me 3) the anger/irritation issue 4) I feel like I'm on pins and needles around her because of her wiggly boundaries (I can't mention XH, she can, but I can't respond to what she says because I can't mention XH) and end up cycling and headachey after talking to her 5) I have always been the one who came to her, that sacrificed my own needs to make everyone else (her included) happy. So I guess this is the ultimate 180.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.