The Fab 5 and Dad

[Georgia Bulldogs]

On NYE XW texted to speak with the boys later in the day, I mentioned they were available now to talk. She said OK, so she spoke to them. She did not call them on Christmas Day. After she spoke to the boys XW and I spoke. I offered her the boys and said I would drop them off either on Jan 1 in the evening or during the day on Jan 2 since they have an extra week vacation before school starts. I also stated I did not need a response at that time and she could think about it.

XW calls back 10 minutes later and starts to spew that I always change plans last minute and what is convenient for me. I stated that I was not trying to do that and that I was looking for a simple yes or no answer. I followed up with I will take it as a no and politely hung up the phone.

There really is no winning with a person lost in sin. Her selfish entitlement is telling her she should have the boys all the time and you should disappear. Her fantasy alternate reality tells her you aren't nice, everything you do is manipulative, you can't handle the boys yourself, you don't really want the boys at all but only "kept" them from her to punish and manipulate her. But when you offer them up to her last minute like this --- even offering to drive them to her BBBBBUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT she has other plans with OM #3, #4 or whichever all of the sudden her kids become an inconvenience and at the slightest inclination of feeling guilty (what mom in her situation wouldn't drop everything to spend an extra week with her kids) she therefore has to twist it in her mind to make this your fault that REALITY isn't allowing her to see the kids despite your generous offer. No doubt she'll mentally fall back shortly to the "Jim can't handle the boys that's why he hoped I'd take them off his hands, so I just said no so he can suffer" and "pretty soon he'll be begging me to take the boys, I just need to set myself up with a place we can all live together and then the boys will be with me someday" (It's always someday with this fantasy dreamers).

On Jan 2 I texted my L and told her about the convo. L asked if I had it in writing, I said no. I said her excuse was she was not getting a car until Wednesday and that she did not have time to book a hotel to stay with the boys.

It is very clear to me that FIL does not want the boys staying at his home anymore.

I crafted a follow up email seeing if XW wanted to take the boys for a few days after she gets her new car and she replied again with more blame on me and stated no. At least I have this in writing now.

Good documentation. It's always a good idea to keep a dated journal of such even if u just copy/paste your individual posts from here and insert it into a calendar app of some kind.

Two nights ago a close friend of mine told me that XW is now on OM4. Friend did some FB stalking of new OM and sent me a pic of XW and OM. Apparently now she is dating a firefighter and ended the "serious relationship" she had with the police officer. New OM has two small boys around ages 3 and 5.
I think XW is now playing watching new OM's boys.

Her priority is and until she repents will remain herself. It's why your boys need your protection and they are better off "visiting" mom far away but living primary around you and your family of origin. Spend time with your female relatives so the boys are exposed to decent strong women to counterbalance the short changing they got for a mother.

Single women with young boys can be targets for deviant sexual pedophiles. Educate yourself on how to watch for red-flags and how best to defend your children in age appropriate manner against such men that may be around your ex-wife during their "visitation" the next few years. The statistics regarding such are horrifying.

I was a bit melancholy on the 30th and 31st thinking back on my emotional state a year ago and how there was potential to save the M.

Now I am more numb to what XW is doing and how she has moved on with her life. I still get sick thinking about how she is just focusing on herself and not wanting to communicate more with the boys.

Communicating with the boys she does only out of obligation and she probably cries every time after she speaks to them. She avoids calling because it makes her FEEL bad and reality is too be avoided at all costs. If she's throwing herself at this new guy and his kids, it's simply to fill & avoid the void she's FEELING about your/her own children. She THINKS it's helping her feel better, but's it's not really. She blames others but as you and everyone else pulls away she's left alone and bitter about the life she can eventually only blame herself for. I would not be surprised at all if she were utilizing crutches now. She's probably using alcohol and/or pills to TRY to escape the pain of waywardism. It's a dark place so it's not surprising at all she's no longer the shining light she used to be -- darkness is actually defined as the absence of light.

Unless she repents - you (and your boys) will be far better off without her around at all.

I do want to indicate there is always hope. Include her in your prayers because it would be nice for the boys to have a Godly mother again someday despite the divorce. I don't think anyone is incapable of changing but the impetus has to come from within her now. She's God's job and no longer your responsibility. As the only remaining healthy parent, your job is YOUR health and physical/mental well-being. Your boys need you.