Ciluzen - I don't have older kids but I can certainly imagine that d26's world has been upturned by all this. I am sure what you are seeing is her methods of trying to come to terms with it all.

That said, I actually do think you should use DB methods with her. I suppose you have to think about the big picture relationship, then perhaps set some small goals, try 180's and see what works. Maybe if you're together and she brings up her father, you can do a 180 and lightly change the subject and say you are there to hear about her and her life. Or if she turns angry do the opposite of what you were trying and see what that does.

Seems she feels safe with you but I imagine you have to set some boundaries/give some not-so-subtle cues on how you want to be treated, too. You can't absorb it all for her as you well know.

Take care.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced