Good news is you express a lot of awareness of your issues and remorse and that your W still feels enough of a connection to talk to you, do things with you and be physical with you. Bad news is it sounds like she is and has been checked out for quite a while. This is not an easy nor a short road.
I have the utmost remorse feeling right now. I have a lot of compassion for her and sympathy. She told me she checked out like maybe in September or October. She expressed a lot of feelings to me and I wanted to make my point, but I bit my tongue and listened to her. She said that she doesn't want to be married anymore. All I said was " I'm sorry you feel that way". She complained to me that I don't help her in the big ways, by not getting her car fixed or helping out with the properties. I didn't say anything but tried to act. I had her car fixed today, I still cleaned up after my self and cleaned the house.
My W means a lot to me and I took her for granted. So when she called me yesterday to how things were going I told her that her car was fixed. She told me she really appreciates that. She got off the phone and then texted me which breaks down into:
W: I really appreciate you fixing my car Me: you're welcome. I'd do anything for you W: divorce Me: I don't know how to answer that W: you told me you'd do anything. It breaks my heart Me: I just want you happy even if it's without me. I feel like you have cohereced into it by outside influences W: I'm just exhausted.
She proceeded to go on about the problems and everything else wrong. I showed empathy and agreed with her and just responded with I'm sorry and you're right.
So I went out and went to hang out with friends. I was going to sleep at work so we drank some beer and talked. My W then calls me. She asks me where I was. I said hanging out with friends. She tells me she's sad. I ask why? Told me she's torn about I never loved her, my family never came around, and she felt she was never good enough. I told her she always was, and I felt I was never good enough. She replied with you were and that's why I worked so hard too I was exhausted. We stopped talking after that for the night.
This morning at work she sends me a text telling me to have a good day at work. I replied with you too and enjoy your ballet class. I'm so confused sad and disappointed. I can't change her, only myself. Im trying to do the right thing, by letting her go, but my heart can't
