The high road: rocky with a great view

[ciluzen]

Previous Thread:

D and MLC


Thanks, KML for your thoughts. I agree with them 100%. I will say, though, that I feel I need to be clear on a few things.

- don't discuss your ex with her anymore. My kids HATED feeling like they were in the middle. Don't send messages through the kids, even about simple things like holiday schedules. Don't say anything critical of ex in front of them.

I am not critical of H at all. I really do understand the enormous stress that he is under both from family matters and work. I am NC until he contacts me except if it is important (as the recent legal matter) or a follow up on a previous discussion (the airbed). When we do talk or see each other, its all very friendly. There is no animosity between us (not visibly or from my side). I don't send messages to him through the kids and I simply let D26 handle Christmas as she was hosting, had to schedule with inlaws, and my mom was in town. That was her deal.

Stick to the high road, become their rock, and set an example of vibrantly moving forward in your own life. They need to know it's going to be okay and they are looking to you to set that example. Let them know you have their back.

I have been trying to do this, as well. That's why D26's anger, while I understand some of it, the rest puzzles me. I don't usually speak of XH to her, but then she brings him up. If I add to that or let her know it was something he'd already discussed with me, she gets mad. I also know that she tells him about me, since when I've spoken to him, he asks me about things I've told her but not him. I'm starting to think that if she brings him up, I should just stop her. She seems to want me to react to what she says so that she has a reason to get mad at me. I have already started DBing HER. I went NC for the week. She then called me last night and seemed put out that I didn't call, even though I was cheerful and interested in her life. Yeah, I think I'll just keep being very busy. I am anyway. She does know I'm there for her. I always have been.