Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[ccgrrl]

Wow, job! Thank you for that - it makes a lot of sense. I see how putting that clause in would be an effort on my part to control the uncontrollable and would not do anything other than distract us from the important details.

As for my info...
I am 45, he is 47. We have two children. We began a romantic relationship when I was 18 and have been married for the past 23 years.

I would say there are a lot of things that have been happening over the last two years, but most go back to decisions even further back when we both kind of "dropped out" of the professional world - him at a time when he was actually doing very well, me when I was spinning my wheels. We moved out of the city and started a new life in a fairly isolated place some 16 years ago. Everything was actually pretty amazing until the birth of our second child 6 years ago. From then on, he seemed to be increasingly aware of how his efforts to reinvent himself/career were going nowhere, while I was out making more money than him and finding a totally new career that I was good at.

Despite all of that, we really had a beautiful life together. When I got a dog that he agreed to but really did not want about 18 months ago, that seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back (I say this in retrospect, of course).

This past October he dropped the bomb and it's been a roller coaster ever since. However, since I got him into individual therapy ( I was afraid he was depressed and possibly even suicidal), he grew more distant and has told me his therapist doesn't question anything he says, validates his perspective, and agrees that he needs to get out of our relationship.

We started couples therapy a few weeks ago and the MC sees more clearly what's going on, since we're both there, but the two sessions have only been about how to separate because he just can't bear to even talk about improving our relationship since he is so "trapped" and doesn't want to "deal with" me anymore.

I hope that fills in some of the gaps.