Hanging and hoping- seperation edition

[Gordie]

I'll be honest, sure I've been angry and even a little resentful at times but that isn't really the case anymore. I know I have a part in this but I really do feel sorry for my W that she isn't able to stay and deal with whatever she is struggling with. She has never been one to share her feelings, unlike me, and I beleive years of stuffing things inside has brought her to this place she is at now. At some point she will have to address those issues with or without me. I am being very patient, loving and understanding. I will be that way for as long as I possibly can. I love her and she is the mother of my boys. I don't think if she decides in the end that there is no future for her with me that my love for her should change. I pray that one day we can at least "try" but if not I will have to be ok with that.

My W is also not one to share her feelings, but want to encourage you that my W has started in responses to my changes. Since starting DB, I also no longer initiate R talks. However, when my W initiates them, I try my hardest to make eye contact and listen as intently as possible. All of my attention is her. I validate and also make encouraging comments, such as thank you for opening up to me and I want to better understand what you are feeling. This is a 180 for me as I have been a lousy listener in the past. The result is that she is more open to me now than she has ever been. It hasn't cured our problems or saved our marriage yet, but it's a big improvement in our overall R.

Short version: if you want your W to open up, demonstrate that you are really listening and what she is saying is the most important thing in the universe in that moment.