wife keeps loving on me and told me last night she likes it when I feel good. she initiated sex with me again and I was a loving and appreciative as I could be. it was short which is what she preferred and she cried after. she said it felt good but wave of sadness comes over her after. I told her sadness was ok and I was there for her. she was not mad at me the next morning which is an improvement.
all of this seemed very honest and my wife has always worn her heart on her sleeve. she is not good at holding emotions in. all of this does my head in. I don't know what to think because I know soon she will email celeb again and it will probably be another attempt to get his affection.
Lex -- have you read Cadet's pursuit/distance thread?
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Today W flat out asked celeb if he wanted to be with her via email. So any ambiguity is gone now. She is prepared to leave me if she gets the chance. However, it is very unlikely that he is going to say yes. He will either ignore her request or perhaps say no(if I am lucky). So, I still have some time here. It looks like I have to bring this out in the open soon. I guess I knew this was the truth already because I'm handling it pretty well so far. It hurts to see it in B&W though. I'm worried about my kids. I feel like I am more prepared to face her now though. It really is all or nothing for me now. I won't live in a sham marriage. I would still really like some advice or strategy on how to bring this out. I will probably wait some more days so I can get my emotions together and learn more from you all. Thank you for any help provided.
You say you won't live in a sham marriage but what are you doing? There are tough steps you can take but they just might work. As Sandi says, she's gotta suffer a loss.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
I have reflected as deeply as I can on my failure to protect my wife. I have spent the last 9 months trying to appreciate her as she is and not press her to give me anything. I have fallen a few times but I believe I have done fairly well with this. I have given her lots of space sexually. We don't have sex any more and the few times we did she initiated it. I am trying to help her gain the financial independence that she seeks without taking any of the credit or thunder away from her(even though she will use this independence to leave me). I have always been and still remain a great father who spends time with his kids every day.
I'm prepared to take it to the limit now. I can approach this with an all or nothing attitude. I want to either have her back or have her gone. No more in between. I prefer to have her obviously.
As far as the loss that she will feel. I am still struggling with this. I will stop all physical love, even if she initiates it. I will not do anything that helps her get with OM. This will include not helping with her art business and canceling a trip to California. I will stop all snooping and never look back, she will have to come to me to get things going again.
What other kind of loss should she feel? What else can I do?
