She moved out...now the work begins...Part 4

[CaliGuy]

SBJ

The bed being made every morning was me, its still something I do every morning, it starts the day off with one small accomplishment that seems so simple but when you struggle to even get out of bed its huge. The logic behind it became a bit more clear was when I was just starting to scratch the surface of true change, I wanted to be a better man .... admittedly it was to win back my wife of course .... but then over time it became so much more about me and my personal growth than it was about doing it for her. I then had the epiphany .... I was 100% guilty of doing so many things for/because of her that over time I lost ME. If you read ... or a series of similar male improvement literature you sill see this theme is common for us fixers. Cali 2.0 was there and ready to be unleashed I just had to find the courage to hit the reboot button. (I speak in nerd code sometimes so bear with em) It was scary ... you are afraid if you do a hard reboot you may have a system failure ... your computer is locked up and basically worthless so you really have nothing to lose ... you just have to find the courage to do it.

This forum is full of people who never asked for this, never thought we would find ourselves 'here'. Unfortunately life is not always fair, it sometimes plays by its own rules and throws us some nasty curves ... in this case it feels like we were hit by the pitch and not allowed to take first base. I refused to be that bitter person wasting negative energy on someone/something that came out of the blue and made no sense. I have reached that spot where I almost feel sorry for her but I refuse to allow her crisis to waste anymore of my time/life. This is not out of spite nor anger, it comes from a place of peace and strength that I would have NEVER arrived at without this forum.

I will share this with you, I would never have considered myself a 'Man of God' but... all this ... the lessons I learned .. I would have not learned without this pain, nor would I have grown from it all. My relationship with God and my son have increased leaps and bounds. For that I am grateful and I trust that He will deliver me just where I need to be WHEN I am to be there, its not our time line ... never really was.

I leave you with the passage that was on my phone yesterday and it seems to fit so many of us:

1 Peter 5:10
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.