My WW and the Great Sandi2 Experiment

[Chris73]

It sends a message that you're a boy pouting.

This is what I eventually decided as well. I folded the rest of the laundry. I need to keep the peace for one more week. Once the Disney trip is over and I've got some legal advice, we'll have a sit-down and I'll present her with the options of moving out or separating the finances. I hesitate to present her with a third option of ending the A and working on the marriage. Based on Sandi2's advice if she really is in the thick of it, she might say yes just to avoid the other 2 options and just continue the A and cake eating anyway.

The rest of my evening was pretty bad. It had started snowing around 10:30 when I went to bed so I sent my W a "please be careful driving" txt. I didn't sleep well. Kept having dreams about my W with OM2 (unlike OM1 I don't know what OM2 looks like so my subconscious is conjuring up images from scratch). I woke up startled at 1:30 to find her home safe. She had never replied to my txt. The rest of the night I was still plagued with dreams of her cheating, leaving, and basically just flaunting her new freedom in my face.

Our current in-house separation arrangement is that I work late on M/W/F and she has dinner with the kids without me. On T/T/S she works late and I have dinner with the kids without her. Sunday is a family day. On the days when I work late, I still try to be home in time to see the kids before bed. On her days to work late, she never does (even if her schedule permits it), and she ALWAYS goes out with "friends" and comes home late. On the nights when she's home with the kids for dinner she regularly invites the neighbor and her 3 kids over. Yes, this is the neighbor who she parties with and (although I can't prove it) encourages her wayward behavior. The kids all play together and the two of them sit around and drink.

I'm no psychologist, but it seems to me that my W is constantly finding ways to distract herself in an attempt to avoid sitting quietly and dealing with her current mindset. After the first BD she started IC and spent some time reading books that the IC recommended, and journalling. Now she does none of that. All the self-help books that she's purchased are sitting on the nightstand in our MBR collecting dust. I suppose this is the absolute selfishness that Sandi2 talks about. She's told me in several conversations that IC has shown her that she was robbed of a childhood and spent 45 years taking care of everyone else and putting herself last. Now it seems as if she's making up for lost time.

Look, I know none of this matters with regard to how I need to act. She has chosen this path and I can't walk down it with her. I need to find my own path and set boundaries so that my W's selfishness and poor judgment doesn't negatively affect my kids. I guess I'm just trying to get inside her head to understand her better.

Getting all of this out of my head and into this thread helps me through the grieving process and allows me to shift my focus to something else. I don't know about the other folks on this board but this sitch consumes my every waking moment and it's exhausting. I look forward to sleep because I can escape for a few hours.