Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #6]

[JRuss]

FG -- I am so sorry to read this this AM. I know it must be gutting. My W is going to have to file in the next month or so if she wants to stay on course for her summer move-out, and I'm dreading it, even though I've known for some time it is going to happen.

Honestly, I don't see a lot of upside in her proposal. But if there is one, it would be the possible benefit to your children you mention. However, I think you need to honestly ask yourself if you could effectively parent while your W was dating other people and living in your house while she does so. I know my ability to parent, to be present for them, to be a calm, stable force for them, would be compromised, and I wouldn't be able to give them the one benefit this arrangement might otherwise provide, because I'd be so preoccupied and stressed. And just flat out pissed at my W's selfishness. Could you do it?

All of the other aspects of this line up in favor of saying no. As others have said, this is cake eating to the max. I don't know if you have any hope or desire for R at this point, but I can't see where agreeing to this and then doing it would do anything but accelerate and confirm her feelings that you're just a good friend-type figure in her life. Whereas moving her out and letting her get a taste of what your removal really feels like, could (though certainly might not) move things in the other direction. At some point, you need to think of yourself in this, too. Like me, you're not getting any younger. While I'm sure she'd have to agree that dating would go both ways, I just don't see you out there tearing it up and actively dating with your wife still at home. But at some point, that will be a part of your life again. This just pushes that further and further down the road. You'd be in limbo, but the sort of limbo that doesn't have any hope for improvement until her predetermined time period expires. If it's really all over (and her filing does suggest that), why not use the year to heal and recover and get co-parenting down with an eye toward getting back out there sometime in 2018? If you agree to this, you'll spend a year in hell, then probably need quite a bit of additional time when she finally does move out. It's ok to think about your life and needs, too.

This [censored]. I feel so sad that you have to face it, but I know you'll do it like you've always done things: with strength and honor.