I would contend that there is something you can do to be a good mate. And it includes being the other identities (man, father, friend), but there are additional things that make someone a good mate.
Which additional things?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving