We talked about the most recent conversations I've had with my W and he asked me why I always feel the need to explain everything? Why am I always trying to hammer my point across? Saying the same things over and over? I've always thought that this was a normal communication method, but he has a good point. I wonder how many times in my M my need to explain my point exhausted the conversation to the point where my W gave up. Or even worse, decided not to bring something up in the first place!
Interesting remarks. Do you feel the need to explain your viewpoint.....or is it in anything? For instance, rehashing something you find troublesome/stressful? If this is how one of your parents communicated, then I can see how that would seem normal to you. Another thought, do you feel as though you will be judged and that is why you have a need to thoroughly explain? Maybe you just wanted to be right?
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So I guess one of my goals should be to learn how to be a man of fewer words.
Maybe start by not repeating your points or rehash an old subject? Of course, that would probably be fewer words.
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My W even admitted to me once that she WANTED me to go ballistic when I found out about her A. She WANTED to see anger and acts of self-preservation. But I didn't do that. I told her right away that I forgave her and started working to win her back.
Yes, I see that happen in stories from time to time. Some people may see it as being the bigger person....but the WW is thinking, "I did not ask for your forgiveness!" She might even feel disgusted that her H would not get a little riled over the fact she is having an A!
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A while back I started reading a book about the "Nice Guy" syndrome and how to overcome it. But then I got sidetracked by the DB and DR books. I think I will go back and finish reading it now.
Good idea.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
