She moved out...now the work begins...Part 4

[Sotto]

Yes, don't equate 'letting go' with moving on, closing the door, not caring - or whatever else you may be struggling with.

Letting go doesn't mean giving up on the M or failing her in anyway, but in these difficult situations, sometimes we need to truly let go in order to hold on. I once read that the most loving thing to do for someone is to allow them the dignity to take their own journey, even though they don't want you to be part of it.

Now, you can do all of this and ultimately be willing to keep the door open a tiny crack, should things turn at some point going forwards. For me, I went very dim and let go of the outcome. However, when XH told me he wanted a D, I told him clearly that I loved him and that D wasn't what I wanted and that I hoped we would find our way back to each other going forwards. He decided to proceed with the D in any case, but I rested easier having told him that after months and months of DBing.

For me, letting go was a accepting that I didn't get to control the outcome - I only got to control me. And I came to accept that XH has his life and I have mine. And if he chooses to spend his life with OW, that's up to him and I will decide how I spend my life and with whom. We just became very much separate in my mind. Not a unit. The D further helped that as he wasn't even 'my H' any longer. He just became some guy who has a girlfriend..

Hope this helps a little anyway