She moved out...now the work begins...Part 4

[SBJ]

You know what that whole comment reeks of? Fear. Do what you think is right and what works. Clinging on with your claws hasn't worked. Do the next thing. Not for her but for you.

Mr. Bond, you are correct about the fear and I am praying that I can let go of the fear of letting her go...again, it just goes against all of what I promised her in the beginning of our relationship. She has been out of the house for 2 months as of today. I do not call her or text her unless it is something for one of our children. I respond to her texts or phone calls short & calmly.

I admit that I was the guy that smothered his wife with praise, hugs, kisses, and probably did way too much for her that she could have and should have done for herself. I'm not able to do that at the moment since she fired me from that role. I'm spending my time trying to get better for me thru exercise, eating right, spending time in the word, spending time with my kids, spending time with other strong men of faith, and learning to be me again...instead of us.

In what other way do I need to drop the rope and release her? I pray ceaselessly for her and try and give her and my marriage to God and let him do the work, but as a human being, it is difficult to not think about her.

SBJ....

I'm sorry you are having a hard time these past couple of days.

I understand how you feel when you say "should I do what I said I would never do and totally let her go" this does seem like the "wrong" thing to do in our minds. I honestly don't know if I will ever feel comfortable with it, but it is what I have chosen to do. I have been dealing with my situation longer then you so maybe time has made it easier for me to make this decision. It was not an easy one to make by any means, but these past couple of days I have had this sense of wanting and needing to let go and see what happens. It doesn't mean that I have given up on the hope that one day things for my situation will improve, or that I don't think about my H all day long. It means that I am letting him do what he needs to do.....whatever that is.

I see my husband post things on social media and it makes me upset that he is out there doing things without me. But I know that he is only posting those things to make himself feel better. I know deep down inside he has tremendous guilt and shame, and is suffering just like I am, but he doesn't know how, or want to deal with his emotions. So, he posts pictures showing everyone how much fun he is having, when in reality he isn't having any fun at all.

I'm sad for you (and me) that we are having to go through all of this. I hope you have a better day.

skm0619...I am also sorry that we are in this predicament, but we are. I wish I had all of the answers to make things better or to heal all of our wounds, but I don't. I think only time will tell whether we make the right choices or the wrong ones.

I read Conway's 6 stages of MLC again yesterday and was just as blown away. I think my W is deep into the replay portion, but who really knows? She is so darn certain that her life is going to be better when not married to me. She is certain that our D will have no negative affects on our kids. She is treating the D process just like buying a new car. She is totally unemotional about any of it...at least when speaking to me. Maybe behind closed doors she breaks down a bit, but I don't know.

Because we are a remote control society, I wish this MLC had a fast forward button on it, but that isn't going to happen. As Mr. Bond said I am fearful that if I drop her completely, I might not ever want to pick her back up again...not saying she will be there anyway, but you know what I mean.