I'm sorry you are having a hard time these past couple of days.
I understand how you feel when you say "should I do what I said I would never do and totally let her go" this does seem like the "wrong" thing to do in our minds. I honestly don't know if I will ever feel comfortable with it, but it is what I have chosen to do. I have been dealing with my situation longer then you so maybe time has made it easier for me to make this decision. It was not an easy one to make by any means, but these past couple of days I have had this sense of wanting and needing to let go and see what happens. It doesn't mean that I have given up on the hope that one day things for my situation will improve, or that I don't think about my H all day long. It means that I am letting him do what he needs to do.....whatever that is.
I see my husband post things on social media and it makes me upset that he is out there doing things without me. But I know that he is only posting those things to make himself feel better. I know deep down inside he has tremendous guilt and shame, and is suffering just like I am, but he doesn't know how, or want to deal with his emotions. So, he posts pictures showing everyone how much fun he is having, when in reality he isn't having any fun at all.
I'm sad for you (and me) that we are having to go through all of this. I hope you have a better day.
