Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #2

[Woke_Up]

What did you actually do that was described in the DR book? It doesn't sound like you did anything. The list known as "sandi's rules" are essentially from the book. If you didn't do any of the changes and actions detailed in DR, that's probably why nothing has changed.

Well - what have I been doing (to a greater or lesser extent)?:
1. Pulling back. No phone calls or texts.
2. GAL - working on my online training course and joined a Krav maga class, had first session on Tuesday.
3. Snooping - this has been my poison. Haven't touched her phone in over a week.
4. Talking about EA/OM - have not brought this up at all recently. However, I have not been enforcing any boundaries so have put myself into enabling a cake eating limbo from what I see.
5. Listening attentively, focusing on what she is saying.
6. Not saying I love you first - although I have been responding if she says it first? Unsure on this being a good idea.
7. Avoiding engaging in arguments/spewing/escalation of conflicts (this is difficult).
8.Proactively starting conversations (this is a 180 for me) - I have however backed off on this as it doesn't seem to fit with a tough love approach.

What am I not doing well:
1. detaching emotionally. I am still allowing myself to be temp checked regularly, responding to WW's signs of affections or ML.
2. Any sort of last resort or tough love
3. Applying firm but meaningful boundaries for MYSELF.

I put initial focus on getting back in the MBR, even though the initial reason I wasn't in there had nothing to do with the EA. I think with hindsight this was a mistake. WW has ordered yet another bed (see earlier post) and there is a strong possibility she will move out of MBR at some point. I have no strong feelings either way. It would actually be easier for me to emotionally detach if I am not sleeping next to her, it is way too easy to reach out/cuddle in the night and is also too easy if ML is discussed.

This morning, she was disturbed when I got up at 5AM for work (I was as quiet as I could be, I suspect she was sleeping lightly by that point). I got a load of spew via text message (6 or 7 messages). I didn't respond to any. Then after I was at work she sent a reasonable text message, with kisses at the end. I replied to that one.

My biggest concern/area of self doubt is whether I should be 180ing (which I am wanting to do, as it is a personal self improvement as I see it) or whether I should be growing a pair and working out ways of applying tough love in this sitch.