Under a Big Umbrella

[HaWho]

Thanks Pax and Job. I felt no torment whatsoever in telling s13 he couldn't go that friend's house. In fact, later in the evening, s13 opened a Snapchat from that boy. I saw it from over his shoulder. It was a pic of that boy lounging in a bed with a 13 year old girl. Lovely. So, I am amping up my efforts to talk to s13 about different parenting styles and what it really all means longterm.

S13 quipped "thanks for making Dec. 31 the worst day of the year." Eh, I am so calloused at this point. I laughed and said "hey, it's a new year tomorrow. That gives me 365 opportunities to top myself." He failed to see the humor.

So, here's a first. Anger surfaced again and in that short circuit sort of way. This is not the unusual part as I have certainly seen the anger throughout. However, what is different is that the anger even surprised him.

My h despises swearing. He always had. His mother on the other hand was quite vulgar in her language. He especailly found it distateful when women swore and I am sure this was the root. He always said he couldn't stand her language.

So we had a repairman over the other day. H had put the dog in the backyard. But he also put the dog's new bed out there and in a wet part of the pavement.

I was exasperated as the bed is new and who wants a dog lying on a wet bed? So I started to ask why the bed was in a pool of water. H told me that is where the bed belongs?!?!? I start to lose patience and tell him it's a new bed and does not belong there. I am not yelling but I am frustrated as it is SO stupid.

He gets all fidgety and suddenly says "shut the f#ck up!"

And I am not sure which of us is more surprised. He seems confused. I can tell he knows it's way off base. Then he gives a gasp and scurries out of the room. The rest of the day he is over the top nice but out of sorts. I did not bother saying anything as it was obvious to him that it was bizarre. And so wrong.

The very day before he had been talking about his mother's swearing.

Today the boys and I are pretty sick. We caught what my neice had. It's a brutal headache, like my head is in a vise-grip. And there's a heaviness in our chests. H has been clucking over us like a hen. I think it's guilt over dropping the F bomb. He never swears.

A few days ago, when we returned home from visiting family, I mentioned that it's time to put the Xmas stuff away and how sad it is. I tried a slow ease approach to prepare h for all this given his bizarre reaction last year. (For those who are new, he told me we should leave the tree up through February!)

H's response: there is nothing wrong with leaving it all up until July. And he is serious.

??????????????

And now I remember tht he DID leave the fake holiday tree up until almost the 4th of July. If he ever wakes up I really want to probe on the logic of all this.