Reading through all of these stories, there does seem to be some conflicting advice from my DB coach (trying to build connection) and the vets (tough love).
Building a connection and tough love are not mutually exclusive concepts. I am not sure who of the vets have been giving you what advice, but I think part of the disconnect may simply be the textual format of a MB versus having a conversation over the phone. From the vets who have gone through these types of situations, they know the importance of setting appropriate boundaries (for yourself) and building yourself up so that you are ready for a healthy relationship with your spouse...so that you don't gloss over fixing the problems that may have led to marital strife, leaving you more likely to repeat them.
But you most definitely can build yourself up and build a connection at the same time. The problem lies in building that connection at the expense of building yourself up. After all, "tough love" is still love, and it isn't for toughness' sake, it is for the sake of YOU.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
