Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #6]

[PsySara]

Here's the thing, there is no ONE true path. Every single path is different, turns and twists unique to the terrain that is personal. We are struggling through stuff that makes going through actual war-combat almost seem preferable. People understand that soldiers get PTSD from war but only the one's who've suffered infidelity get the PTSD of betrayal. Some wayward spouses have a light bulb moment when suddenly faced with divorce, others will simply double down to "prove" that their "love" is real.

I tried the harsh/hard divorce steps and it got me a faceful of regression on WH's side. However when I controlled my reactivity and presented a calm, listening presence (while biting the hell out of my tongue) I noticed forward movement from WH.

You know that WH suddenly dropped the D bomb on me yesterday, this was following a 2 week stonewall from him after I spewed some really heinous stuff. While I am utterly entitled to my pain and anger it does not serve my overall goal to let that emotion roll out in a rage filled way. Now I am back to square one. If you put a boundary in place, in a loving and compassionate way, then no matter her reaction you will know you did the right thing.

DBing is about returning to our true, authentic self. If that person is a compassionate and soft man then BE that FG. Take what works and is true, toss out the rest.