I'm not sure how exactly, Lex. But probably the very first step is for you to stop defining your own life in terms of being a provider for your wife. You have to get to a place where you feel you want to be a partner, not a parent figure.
I really do think that the more she sees you as a Daddy figure, the less she'll be interested in you sexually. At least in a healthy sexual way.
And, conversely, healthy sexual dynamic can only come around if she sees you as a partner; and she herself feels like an empowered woman.
You've talked primarily about your wife in terms of sex. Other than sex, what do you like about her? What do you find interesting about her? What do you respect in her?
I love her creativity and her forthrightness. I love her intelligence and I love conversing with her on any topic. I love her way with our children. I love her companionship and her energy to get out and do things in the world. She has gotten me out of the house and into great experiences with us together many times that I might otherwise have missed. I love her humor and I love watching horror movies with her. Before I met her I hated horror movies but over time she got me into them and I came to see the pleasure in watching them together.
I admit it scares me a little because I'm afraid that she will use her gained financial independence to leave me. But, I love that she is working on that and I have conquered my fear of this and done what I could to help her without taking away any of the credit from her. I love seeing her turn her art into money which she is beginning to do. This is a huge challenge that she is overcoming and I am impressed.
When I read this back to myself I get then sense that I should learn to forget about sex and just thank my lucky stars that I have such a great companion. But, that seems like a cop out to just give up on that part of life which I also love.
She is a good woman and I have many reasons to love her beyond sex.
