Needing some Guidance

[KCRoo]

I discovered that my wife was having an emotional affair with a guy she met out at the bar about a month ago. I got that gut feeling, and looked at her texts.

Her father is dying from cancer, and we have had a hard time having children. I think what has pushed her is I went and got tested, and there was nothing wrong with my fertility, so she assumes that it has to be her. She has a doctors appointment in March, but wont go sooner.

I discovered they had been texting, there was an inappropriate picture, although not a nude, sent. She said that she was drunk, and instantly regretted it. The next week I saw more and he had made the joke what do Coors light and canoe sex have in common, and she said "us". Again, she claimed they were friends, and she didn't see the "sex" part. I told her that I did not think that she was that stupid. I also suspect that she has a drinking problem. When she says she wants to go out, with her friends after work, which a friend of her told me was true, I have stopped protesting. So I can do that 180. I just go to bed.

She said she will not stop talking to the other guy until she is ready. I have told her how it makes me feel. On Christmas we had I fight and I told her to leave, and she did for about 5 hours and then she came back. I have had no problems not looking at her phone, because the more I see the more I get hurt. I was ignoring her well until we went out Sunday after New Years, and we went out and she ignored me, and I saw her texting him, all day. I held it in, until last night when I asked her when she was going to stop lying to me. She said that she wasn't, and I told her all that I had seen the previous day, and said that she had actually been doing a good job until yesterday. While we didn't fight, and we talked calmly, I still wish I hadn't brought it up. She lied, and told me the times she texted her friends, and I asked her how many times she texted the guy, and she ignored that.

I am reading DB, but I just have such a hard time when she blatantly texts him in front of me. Our sex life was really good until about 5 days ago. She has told me that she doesn't look at him like that, which I don't believe, and that she loves me and only wants to be with me, which I don't believe.

Her friend talked to me, because she knows what is going on, and has tried to talk my wife out of talking to the other guy, and tells me not to give up, and she is just confused.

My ultimate goal is for her to stop texting the other guy, but I don't think I can accomplish that yet, so I figured a better goal would be to talk more, but I think my 180 should be not to talk to her as much. Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. I have bought DR, but it has not arrived yet.