Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #2

[Woke_Up]

Rule #5...
If the WS initiates the conversation, then treat it as any other relationship temperature testing from your WS.

OK, but with temp testing, which seems to be happening a lot at the moment, how do I respond without appearing cold? For instance, Fri there was lots of Spew, Saturday a little bit of drunken spewing, Sunday morning, WW wants to ML & asks 'Don't I love her?'. Then yesterday she is talking about how house prices have increased , but she thinks there will be an economic crash soon, so maybe we should sell the house and then bide our time until house prices drop before buying again.

Rule #15...

If no jabboring from the LBS is new and strange to the OS....they might ask, "What is wrong with you? Are you mad? Are you pouting?" If they ask what's wrong, then the LBS should quietly say he is just listening...or whatever answer seems more appropriate without causing argument.

No jabboring is the norm for me. Doing a 180 would be starting more conversations, and being proactive in conversations, as well as the active & intent listening. Just wondering how this fits with the WW sitch when she won't end the EA. Do I try & 180 (as it would make me a better man anyway, not just a better partner/H) to be more proficient at starting conversations. When she was mini-spewing on NYE, it came across that she wanted me to make changes - I was saying I know I have to make changes and will work on them when she commits to working on our R, i.e. - ends the EA. She took it as I never make conversations and won't in future.

Rule # 25...

IMHO, this particular rule is for those LBS'S who want to "explain" and "defend" their own actions, reasoning, intentions, etc. In their attempt to explain, they often will interupt, raise their voice to be heard over the OS, throw up their hands in frustration and exhibit other emotions...or ignore them while the OS is trying to speak. This rule is N/A for disrespectful speech/verbal abuse/ or spew slinging. When disrespectful speech or mannerisms enters into what the OS is saying, it is time to give them space, and not engage by further talk or listening.

Mostly it is disrespectful speech at the moment. Then again, that has been true prior to current sitch. When not disrespectful I am working on listening attentively.

I hope this helps.

Always. Thanks, Sandi.


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