Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #2

[PatientMan]

PatientMan - What are your thoughts on applying the 37 in a WW sitch? Sandi advises more of a tough love approach.

Based on what I have read, you seem to be more in a newcomer mode...trying to get a hold of your situation and control of yourself, not so much a person who is in the position to reconcile his M. I understand that *you* may be ready for reconciliation, but it doesn't mean she is.

Let me know if I am misunderstanding your sitch.

I am thinking about numbers:

#5 - If the WS wants to talk about the future, make plans etc? It is OK, to have these conversations hen, or should it be a case of applying listening but not positively engaging in the plans, or even saying that I am not in a position to make future plans at the moment, much as I would like to be able to?

#15 - I normally was not one for starting conversation, and it is a bone of contention. I would have assumed that I should, as part of DBing, start to make more of an effort to start conversation, and that was what I initially was doing. But this seems at odds with the tough love approach.

#18 - just a note here. Being cold was what was coming across when I was trying to detach. Re-reading the 37 rules, I picked up on this, and can now consciously work on it. Emotional detachment, remaining close, not being cold.

#25 - I have been working on this, although difficult when she spews. Is this also still valid approach with WW?

Sandi hit on these by clarifying the intent behind each "rule".

-PM