Moving on to the next phase

[Pax_luv]

Hey HaWho! Thanks for the good karma wishes!

I'm coming here today to just let some things out. I have this anxiety in my chest again over stbx. It's ridiculously annoying because I'm trying everything to move through it but it's wont subside!!!!

I started ruminating over stbx yesterday and I think it's carried over to today and it's become a bit consuming.

For one, I found out yesterday that his friend recently got married. Marriage #4 for him. Stbx did not like this guys girlfriend (now wife). They started dating at the end of our relationship. H didn't like hanging with this guy anymore because all he did was complain about his gf. According to h, his friend was miserable and was never going to get married again. The guy kept trying to find ways to break up with her. And now they're married.

What got me spinning a bit was the following-
1) I would die if h got remarried now or in the near future. But hey, these things happen and there's nothing I can do about it.
2) marriage and relationships aren't perfect. I don't know if this guy got married for the right reasons (clearly he gets married a lot), but again, My jealousy kicked in because people make it work. We didn't make it work, but I sure did try on my own and I'll always feel a bit jilted for not ever having the opportunity to try together.

On an unrelated note, I was also recalling a convo that h and I had as he shared the d paperwork with me. He brought up the fact that one of our mutual friends now agrees that we shouldn't be together. This is old news now, but who was he trying to convince and why? Over a year later and the guy is now in agreement?? Was he not before? Was h still talking about it/us??

Also, when we were speaking, I was baffled by some of the things he would share with me and I could see how much he "liked" drama in his life. Our drama definitely kept him on a high as he moved into his new life. I had to think about this drama because there have been a lot of pics of him on FB out and about with another friend he was trying to get rid of before our split and his young boy toy. I wonder if he's found peace with those friendships or if he's just resigned to them.

So.... Then I had a very realistic intimate dream about him last night and this is all enough to pull me back to square one. Guh.... What the heck?

So there ya have it. I hate sharing my nonsense here because there's no relevance to my actual life here and now, but I thank you for reading and for your sincere comments, always. Wishing you all another fab day. Xoxo.