A stronger me for whatever the future holds

[PacLove]

Yes carefulness is very much on my mind as trust is not there but changes in her behavior show me that it is likely over if not fizzling for sure.

One boundary that I think worked was when she was moving to her own place and I was insistent on D staying with her on her nights, I think that probably created a bit of a wake up call/reality check for her as it was around the same time she said she realised the A wouldn't last.

A boundary that probably didn't work so well was me being difficult about access to the family home before she had a permanent place. She felt that I was being a bit of a a$$ and not flexible.

I've seen a lot of threads on here debating the hard line vs. the kindness route and I really feel it's a mixture of both. We need to be hard about certain things but do it in a loving and kind way. We need to show our S that we still love them but we don't love their actions and thus there are certain consequences.

I think where I failed is to clearly explain those to her, ie you are choosing this so therefore this boundary is in place, instead I would just put up the boundary and she wouldn't understand, and interpret it as me being difficult.