I am a Christian man and honor and trust come before wants, pain, etc.
This is good to know, b/c it tells us something about you. Is/was your W a Christian, also? Did she take an active part in your church? Even Christians can become wayward. IMHO, a wife's waywardness begins in her heart, with resentment and disrespect for her H. Eventually, little signs of rebellion begin to show, and then it grows. What you see in her now, are the fruits of that growth in her heart. She now is following the dictation of her emotions. She will act out from those emotions. She will make decisions from those emotions. Pure selfishness will be her motivation in everything. Seeing how she puts her desires before anyone else (even her children) is staggering at times. This describes a wayward wife. Anger drives her. It shows up regularly, maybe daily. She may be angry at something in her life, but mostly, she's angry at her H. He is usually blamed for whatever is wrong in her life, Therefore, it takes a strong man who can withstand the WW.
FWIW, I had been a dedicated Christian since I was a teenager. I was the "good girl" growing up, and then my role went to being a "proper Christian wife". I was one of those "types" that people say will never cheat. However, there were issues in my heart that I had not resolved, and though I thought I had worked so hard on my MR.......things just seem to get worse. I did not wake up one day and decide to have an A, and I might even convince someone that I innoncently was drawn into it. If I told you everything that was I was experiencing at the time, I might be able to get your sympathy, IDK. But we know that those actions come from our own free will, and it is wrong.....period.
I stumbled into this forum as a resentful, bitter, angry, and wayward woman. I was in crisis. This board, plus other things falling into place (so to speak) got my undivided attention.......helped me to see I was trying to escape from my reality and lose myself in a fantasy. My M was saved, but it took me a long time to deal with the issues in my heart. Anyway, enough about me. I just wanted to let you know this can happen to good folks, and the wayward can turn back.
So when your W claimed to have ended her A, was there any kind of transparency plan, or ground rules set to stabilize the MR and help to regain trust again? Did you and W attend MC, enroll in any M program, etc.?
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She does want to try and connect spiritual, mentally, socially, emotionally and physically I stopped since it just seemed like she was just there but not present
How was she trying to "connect" in those areas of her life? Was this suppose to be your journey as well as hers? Did you feel responsible to help her find the connection?
I suggest you read the thread about boundaries. Then think carefully about your own boundaries and where you draw a line to protect yourself. Boundaries should be based on your values, principles, integrity, spiritual beliefs, etc. After deciding your boundaries, think about how to make them effective, if they are not honored.
You may learn something new on the board, and you may teach us something new. I just encourage you not to plunge into something without fully grasping the details. There have been newcomers who panick and do not wait to learn more about a method or technique (whatever) fully......and unintentionally make matters worse for themselves.
Read the links Cadet provided.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
