Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #2

[Woke_Up]

In all fairness I did kind of "cheat" in that I stuck all of Sandi's 37 rules into one guideline , but - regardless- when you begin to live these rules out so much so that you discover you are having to think about what to do less and just doing it more, you will also discover you are emotionally more stable and happier than you have been in a while.

PatientMan - What are your thoughts on applying the 37 in a WW sitch? Sandi advises more of a tough love approach. I am thinking about numbers:

#5 - If the WS wants to talk about the future, make plans etc? It is OK, to have these conversations hen, or should it be a case of applying listening but not positively engaging in the plans, or even saying that I am not in a position to make future plans at the moment, much as I would like to be able to?

#15 - I normally was not one for starting conversation, and it is a bone of contention. I would have assumed that I should, as part of DBing, start to make more of an effort to start conversation, and that was what I initially was doing. But this seems at odds with the tough love approach.

#18 - just a note here. Being cold was what was coming across when I was trying to detach. Re-reading the 37 rules, I picked up on this, and can now consciously work on it. Emotional detachment, remaining close, not being cold.

#25 - I have been working on this, although difficult when she spews. Is this also still valid approach with WW?

Naturally, detaching from a spouse is difficult (as it should be), but not having your general sense of well-being tied to how a single other person interacts with you brings along with it a sense of liberation. This should not be confused with moving PAST your spouse, but moving FORWARD - engaged in life and ready for whatever is in store. It is not just the knowledge that you are going to be okay in the future no matter what happens, but the feeling that comes along with it...a sense of peaceful strength that is sourced from your core and radiates out of you.

This is solid gold. Thank you.