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Now, those are all of the things that I have been doing since BD. However, these past couple weeks I haven' done ANYTHING. Literally lay in my bed for days at a time. Not eating for days at a time. Sleeping either none for days at a time, or binge sleeping for a day. It is as if I am utterly paralyzed currently. The interesting thing is that I can't find a specific trigger that caused this change 2 weeks ago.


It doesn't matter what triggered it. Just stop it. Get yourself back. Do it now!!! I feel for you. A WW who won't admit wrongdoing or stop it eats away at your soul and you feel yourself drowning. The voices in your head will drive you insane. The paralysis is awful. But know this - you CAN do it. You WERE doing it. Get that back. It doesn't have to be all in one go. Just get out of that house. Run. Listen to music. Exercise. Even if you get an hour or 2 of peace in the day - it is a start, and you will get back your soul. It is yours and only yours. It is easy to believe it is someone elses to control, but it truly isn't.

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I will admit that I am doing WAYYYYYY too much intel gathering at this point....to the point that it is extremely unhealthy. I don't know why at this point I am still doing it to myself. I suppose I want to use it or something to get her to ADMIT the relationship with OM is wrong. To this day (even today) when she "defends" the R with OM it's "I told you that I spend time with him". Well, it's inappropriate, but it doesn't seem to matter to her; I truly feel like she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong at this point.


This was me also. Even up to a few days ago. It doesn't help. You already know. She tells you. A WW who admits she is seeing or contacting OM will just rub it in your face and defend her actions. Every day I see her phone and don't look at it, I feel a victory for myself. The days I feel I don't need to know what they are saying, what they are planning, whether they are talking about me, whether they are talking about THEIR future together, whatever the hell it is, is a better day. Know this. It truly is a better day. You are a bigger person when you can do that. You are learning the rules of DBing. You will slip. I did. I still am in other respects (emotional detachment), but you can carry on. DOn't ever think about Why this is happening at this stage. There is no point in the why, there will be time for that in the future. At the moment it is as SH & Sandi say. Do what works.

However, one thing I have realised is that this applies to the self, not just the Wayward. Do what works for yourself, to keep you sane, to nourish your mind, body and soul.

Keep posting, keep listening, keep learning, keep trying. The posters on this forum have helped me so much in a few short weeks, even though I know I am doing things wrong and have tough times ahead. You will do things wrong and have tough times ahead. But you can and will get through them, because you can remember, as I am starting to remember, the person I used to be, and the person I want to be in the future. I can see that person now. I can start the journey to become that person and so can you.


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Me: 47 WW: 35
SS: 17 D: 5
T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs
OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016.
OEA continues (with occasional breaks)
BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18