How do you guys do it!? How do you not retaliate? I am so tempted to go see her family and explain what she is doing as well as her close friends. Some people say this is a good idea while others say it isn't. I do feel like it would at least put pressure on her to see that what she is doing is wrong.
One does it by making the choice to not retaliate... Temptation is not a good feeling to follow in most cases... Many here would say it is not a good idea because you are not in a good place or mental state to handle the blowback... How has following your "feelings" been working out so far?
I beleive it is sandis tag line that says, it's not about doing what you "feel" works...it's about doing the work that gets the right results... Perhaps you should sit still for a spell, listen up to the wisdom you are being provided here and go against your " instincts" to do what has been proven in the actions of those that have gone through this before you.... You share a lot about what she is doing... What are you doing for yourself?
Yeh, I suppose this is probably the best course of action.
As to what I am doing for myself: I have made many physical changes, I am going to counseling every 2 weeks, reading lots of self help books, keeping the house spotless just the way that I like it.
Now, those are all of the things that I have been doing since BD. However, these past couple weeks I haven' done ANYTHING. Literally lay in my bed for days at a time. Not eating for days at a time. Sleeping either none for days at a time, or binge sleeping for a day. It is as if I am utterly paralyzed currently. The interesting thing is that I can't find a specific trigger that caused this change 2 weeks ago.
I will admit that I am doing WAYYYYYY too much intel gathering at this point....to the point that it is extremely unhealthy. I don't know why at this point I am still doing it to myself. I suppose I want to use it or something to get her to ADMIT the relationship with OM is wrong. To this day (even today) when she "defends" the R with OM it's "I told you that I spend time with him". Well, it's inappropriate, but it doesn't seem to matter to her; I truly feel like she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong at this point.
