Well, I am back home after a wonderful break. I did not realize how much I needed that time away sans MLC in my life. While at my sister's I slept so well and in so doing, discovered I do not sleep nearly as well in my own home.
We took walks in the woods with family and my sister's dog. We had a snowy day and the kids had a taste of my childhood. And we finished a 1000 piece puzzle; plus we played a few board games. It was a quintessential rural New England school break.
My last morning there, I woke up after a very vivid dream. In the dream I met a woman who told me my h had given a necklace to her friend. The dream was so detailed, I even learned the name of the OW. Odd. Even odder? After waking up I felt nothing. I felt neither a tinge of jealousy nor anger. Mostly I just felt intrigued by the certainty of the dream.
While we were away h was back to calling the kids in the morning and evenings. A few times he even called me directly. Up to this point he called on s's cell phone.
When we returned home h had my favorite meal from a restaurant waiting for me and had ordered the kids dinner. I praised and validated. It was thoughtful
New Year's Eve day h peeked out as an adult father but past issues surfaced as well. S13 wanted to go to a friend's house where no adults would be home. S said it would be just him and the friend. I said they could come to our house as that sounded a bit lonely for New Year's. The boy's parents are divorced. I don't know the boy well, but he was over here once for about 20 hours (and slept over) and no adult ever called me. I have yet to meet or talk to one of his parents.
S13 was very mad and wanted to go there. I said no as they are only 13! H backed me up. That was very nice. H reaffirmed my view that it was not right to be there unsupervised all night with no adult present. Crazy!!! Later I found out this boy had 7 or 8 thirteen year old boys & girls over with no adult around. (No wonder they did not want to come here.)
I explained to s13 that, as these parents are divorced, they each only see their son 50% of the time and there is evidence that he is quite unsupervised and left alone a lot considering each parent only takes 50% on. I told him I want to meet the parents. After that s was in a huff all night. Oh well.
The conversation must have pinged a memory for h. H chimed in about a painful New Year's Eve he had as a kid where he was inappropriately alone all night. He told it all in front of the kids. I validated. It is wildly inappropriate that he was that young and alone. There are so many hurts surfacing. I question if there is a bottom to this.
Coming back I just cannot believe he is almost 50 and dealing with all this. As more and more childhood issues bubble to the surface I marvel at the degree to which he buried all this and at the level of dysfunction. (Being back and seeing my MIL I found I could never see her the same way again.)
He spent most of the day in his room. He is sick again. He is sick a lot lately. He did come out to watch a movie with us but returned to his room before the end.
He popped out to say Happy New Year.
And now in to 2017 . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
