It's weird, this strange disconnection between outside and inside.
At work I'm always super positive and upbeat. Even doing 50/60/70 hours a week, I still manage to be positive.
Everyone I meet says how amazing I look, how well I look, how much they love what I'm wearing now.
Even guys in their early 30s are flirting with me. I'm smiley and chatty back, but no overstepping the mark on that front. In my early 20s, before I met my WH, I certainly would have flirted right back had I been going out with someone or not. Now, I just feel kinda amused in a totally mystified way.
And I just feel so darn lost inside, still.
One of my best friends, who I admire enormously for her positive outlook and strength, came in to the ladies as I was crying last night. She gave me a big hug and told me I was so much stronger than her. I don't feel it. Inside, I don't feel it.
I'm hating all of this process. It's all so painful.
