I thought I would update you, and I'll answer some of your very kind replies to me too.
December I was working a really full on job, with some incredibly sociable and fun loving people. So I went out *lots* and partied *lots*. I had a good time...a really good time.
I was keeping it together really well in front of other people, until last night. I remember the point at which I started to get affected. It was about half an hour before midnight, and a young woman I didn't know (friend of friend, only 32 years old) was next to me, chatting marriages, and she said something about marriage only being for a finite time.
I could feel myself starting to crumble a bit inside. But I still kept it together. Then at midnight it was all too much. I went into the ladies and cried for 10 minutes solid.
I thought I'd managed to compose myself, and went back out. But I couldn't get back into the conversation, or people I was with. So I just slipped away.
I walked home, crying all the way.
I hate new year. I've never really liked it much, I've always preferred Christmas.
Today: up, bath, facemask, cooked a very healthy lunch, Whatsapped some pals. Now for a little tidying and sorting.
