That's me in the spotlight

[Altair]

AP,
post here instead of texting! this seems like an evening for us to ignore them. Speaking of- MIL just texted me a happy new year.
I've spent a bunch of the last ones with her so that's not surprising to get a text.
Maybe I'll ignore it and text her the same as part of the "mysterious package".
Journaling:
Let's see if I can put together some thoughts.
Haven't articulated this yet, but have been thinking. OK, so my H left me, and in the process blamed me for everything. Said he wasn't happy for years. I have done a lot of processing of his words/actions. In my first M breakup, I never acted this way, said any of these things. It's not OK. We can blame MLC/depression, that's fine. But if he is to contact me, this would have to be dealt with at some point. I was abandoned and have rebuilt my life. There'd have to be evidence of dealing with the depression, remorse, what have you. Re-re-invention of history. I can't just openly accept back someone with open arms who treated me like dirt, and threw me in the garbage. I don't know what I will do if he contacts me. At first, I'll just see what he has to say. If its a matter of Plan A didn't work out, and now he's back to me, plan B, no, I won't do it. I've gone on too far down the path of recovery.
If he contacts me and tells me he's with someone, I think I won't stand any longer. I will give up.
If he doesn't contact me for X more number of months, same thing, I think I will email him and ask him to file. We have no children together, so there's no family to break up. Who knows what I will do. We shall see. The holidays were perhaps a wake up call that I should move on fully into my new life. Here I come 2017.