Cheated and need advice

[Steady9]

I am reconciling with my W (who had a PA)... for a little over two months. She has been remorseful, nice, apologized, cried, and physically and emotionally affectionate with me... more than she has been in 5 years... I am very lucky compared to others on this forum, because my W came back quickly after I confronted her about A... She has done homework on what to do to help the relationship move forward as the person who had the A and to help me.

I am doing reasonably well. I can have sex with her but I still have some mind movies of my W with someone else. I have faith that we will make it.

My problem is, that I have a fear that my W does not love me. It took me some thinking to get to what my problem "is". I never feared that my W would leave me before the A, now I know our R is fragile... My W said this will never happen again. And I believe she means it today. But now I have learned that "all" relationships are fragile.... So even though today, my W says and does a lot of good things, I now "know" that our R is fragile---thus the fear.

I am not getting comfortable with this realization. And it will be ok.

I wonder if your H now has a fear (and he may not have realized it yet) that you may not love him in the future... so even though you are doing all the right things... this fear is causing him to behave poorly.

I think it is hard for a man to say "I have a fear that you do not truly love me or you will not fully love me tomorrow..." so I am acting like a jerk to protect myself....

Just some ideas....

Not sure if I have answers.... You can always say "I love you" more and also say., "it hurts my feeling that you want to go out with someone else"

My W has told me that she knows she has no right to say anything if I were to go out and sleep with someone else... but it would hurt her feelings.... also she shows signs of jealousy.... These signals are helpful for me. As a caveman.... it helps to see signs of jealousy---which means she loves me and it helps for her to use words and tell me he feelings would be hurt, I do not want to hurt my W...