Again, something I picked up on an of forum chat with NDY, I guess, we still look over our shoulder. I had about 30 minutes wondering why she was coming back early. My D confirmed that she had decided to come back early the day before, with no apparent reason. She asked my D if she missed Daddy (which of course she did) which may have provided an appropriate excuse. Unfortunately, in this mis timed approach, W forgot to bring clean clothes for the kids, which means I've been washing like a madman and had to go and get fresh underwear.
Having just read caliguys thread, I can see this all part of temp checking - am I there where she wants me, when she wants me. She thought it would be so easy for her to get me to take her to her next set of plastic surgery and then repeat infinitum. I think I have managed to make my point there.
Odd thing today, I was out with the kids in the local shopping centre (it's D's birthday next week - 7, I can't believe it!) and D came across a friends' mother. This woman, who I barely remember, but seemed to know both of the kids well, spoke to my D and then gave me that withering 'top to bottom' look reserved for people who have committed terrible crimes, guilty by flogging. No words, nothing, just a look. Again, reading through other threads, I know the MLC'er will have spread a story of doom and disaster based on me. It just felt weird.
Anyway, onwards.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Having just read caliguys thread, I can see this all part of temp checking - am I there where she wants me, when she wants me.
The secrete is not to care if she's temp checking.
Peace
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
As always, your local input is appreciated and welcome.
Sotto
No, not the sign of a great trip! Since she came back on Thursday, she has called or texted me every day but one. Some of it is mundane stuff (how are the kids; when did S have his medicine; is D playing a game on the computer) and some of it a bit weird. Take New Years Day. W texted to see how the kids were. I replied they were OK and that we'd just got up. Almost instantly I got some weird text about how the kids enjoy being with 'you' so much and how they always have fun. I just replied that they were great and got another one back about hoping we're enjoying ourselves.
Some of this might be loneliness. I know that SD was away over New Year and the kids were with me. The texts were either early in the morning, or mid evening. Of course (expecting the 2x4 from NDY) I don't really know what's going on. When she picked the kids up today, she made an over excited welcome of the kids and then asked for her maintenance cheque. She complained that it 'wasn't on time', to which I reminded her it was her choice to go away and that if she doesn't ask, she doesn't get.
W then reminded me about D's party on Saturday then texted me when she got home about S's medicine and that she was going to run him a bath. Probably temp checking.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
W contacted me a few times during the week by text. Mundane stuff, and nothing that couldn't have waited until weekend.
D's birthday party yesterday. No contact from W about coming to help set it up, so I just appeared at 1315 for a 1330 start. This seemed to annoy W greatly and she didn't acknowledge my presence or talk to me for the first hour. Hey ho, I spent most of it looking after my S. I got there on the bus but W asked me back to her house and then suggested that she would take me home.
I spent about 90 minutes with her and the kids. She asked me, again, to look after the kids when she was having her cosmetic surgery, although the recovery time has now extended to two weeks. She then went on about me 'not listening to her/never listening to her', so I validated (I think I had said something about her saying she'd said one week), so I guess that's a clue.
W took me home, and the kids came. My S said she wish I could stay; I didn't say anything. After about an hour, W texted me to ask if I could look after S today. I said yes, as she wanted to take D for a bike. I'd been with her for six hours and she said nothing.
W brought S over about 1230. Very pleasant and off she went....except, she'd made it down the three flights of stairs, turned around and then came bursting through the door to ask to go to the toilet! As my S was running around, she also checked out my bedroom. She came back for S about 2 hours later.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Maybe it is a manipulation ploy, but maybe in your M she actually never felt heard. Could that be true?
Out of curiosity, how have you changed in your interactions with W since you decided that you had had enough?
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
No 4X2 this time. You changed it up. She may not have liked it but she did respect it, and we all know what the vets (especially Sandi2) say about respect.
So we don't really know why she's changed her attitude. She could realise she needs you for her 'ahem' scar removal [sic] or she could realise what's she's letting go of. Or a million other different things that are going on in her head but to me that doesn't matter. Your attitude has changed and she know's it. If it were me? I'd have another ready at DB and use these opportunities to 'try what works' and re read the thread on the dance of pursuit and distance.
Now the text messages. Ok so she's upped her contact. That could be a good sign but the new Huddy doesn't answer right away (with exception to emergency contacts RE the kids). No, the new Huddy is busy with his life. He'll get back to you when he can (leave it for an hour or so, then txt back like you're busy and in a hurry. No overly long texts and straight to the point. Like you are distracted). Give her something to think about and at the same time you try what works.
But all in all keep those expectations in check. She's not going to turn up tomorrow all teary saying the last 2 years were a big mistake. It won't happen that way.
Keep it up mate. Text me if you need to.
Peace
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Will contact you off forum later in week (Kidneys still playing up
Yup, no idea why she's started to change. Yes, my attitude has changed. She texted me the other day via 'whats app', but as I didn't have a very good wifi signal, I couldn't respond for about three hours. When I did, I got an instant reply - like, I had only finished the message and I got one back.
I still have my DB book (I have, unfortunately, had to lend in out once) and I will re-read the section on pursuit and distance. I have no expectations as it could just be MLC'er manipulation. I did, however, compliment her on her organising skills for D's party and she seemed pleased.
Onwards, with kidney infection in tow!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
