Time for an end of the year update. MyNica and I are finally over. I say this with 100% conviction. The tipping point was a book my good friend JellyB recommended that just spelled it out in black and white for me. And I started thinking about my parents relationship and how it affected me and about my own marriage and what my children saw, what they learned about how a woman should be treated and what she should put up with. And then I looked at MyNica and realized this is not what I want for my daughters or his either. He treated me like a princess, that wasn't the issue, but it still wasn't the relationship I'd wish for my girls. And then that had to translate into, why am I choosing this for myself? It's been a long journey for me, I've learned a lot about myself, and I wouldn't trade in having met him for anything.
So I find myself here at the beginning of a new year with a new job and no relationship, exactly like last year. I remember feeling full of hope and possibility last year. This year I'm feeling considerably more jaded but I'm trying. I'm spending the evening with family in TX and it will be nice. They love me and I'm lucky to be with them tonight.
Things that are right for us always seem to pop up when we are not looking. Like your new job! Maybe opportunities for a healthy relationship will come along now that you have closed the doors on a relationship that couldn't meet your needs.
Thank you Juju and V. Intellectually I know it's true. In my heart, it's hard to accept that not only do I not have this man, I've basically been treading water for a year. But what are my choices here? I move forward.
Admittedly, I haven't caught up 100% on your sitch but I would definitely say you are not "still treading water". Look at all you've learned! You have come so far and sound so grounded and strong!
I admire you.
Previously known as ss06 Kid: D9 M: 12 yrs together 18 D final: pending
"These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb." - Najwa Zebian
Thank you SS. I'd like to think that time with MyNica wasn't wasted. I really did learn a lot about myself and what I want in a relationship. And honestly, I've opened my eyes to some things about myself in the past couple of weeks that wouldn't have happened had we still been together. I'm recognizing patterns in my relationships that I was just unaware of, discovering what that means and how to change the parts that I want to. I'm amazed that it's still such a process this far down the road.
In the meantime, I'm livIng my life, enjoying the challenge of my job, being a mom, hanging out with friends. I'm not ready to date again but I know that will come again. In the meantime, I'm addressing some things with my house and health that I need to.I might even be ready to find a new church home. It's all good. :-)
Your time with Nica sounds like a wonderful experience. You experienced the giving and receiving of love, at a time in your life when you really needed that.
I am sad for you that logistics did not allow your experience to have more permanence. It is unfortunate when you can connect to someone emotionally, spiritually, and physically, but more practical and uncontrollable forces must play a role.
As we get older, we do get wiser. But I think what makes it harder is that we not only have to find someone whose soul we can connect with, but with whom's life we can fit into ours.
We are no longer starting fresh and anew with someone. We are bringing our all ready long established choices, and families, and careers, and life styles into the mix. And unfortunately they do not always blend well.
I am going through something similar, but I think I am more of the nica so I can kind of relate. The funny thing is, what makes me attractive to P. is the way I am because of my past experiences. However those past experiences do not allow for an easy or probably future relationship.
You are an amazing and beautiful woman and I am confident that every aspect of your life will fall into place.
