I too have been unable to muster anger - it is just not my nature. Overwhelming grief, self pity, disbelief, but not anger. I sometimes think the anger would be easier to deal with in the short term.
It is good to see how spiritual you seem to be. It has really helped me. I try to work toward and pray to be able to let go of the outcome, and just let God take it. As a fixer, it is hard to give up that control. I try really hard to not pray for a specific outcome, but that we may each find peace and comfort in whatever His plan is for us. Boy is that hard to remember that the rest of the day.
I saw you mentioned above about seeing a patient. Are you in the medical field? I am a nurse, so the word "patient" always peaks my curiosity!
Your comments about choosing where to experience your emotions really resonates. It hits me in the most unexpected places and times - most recently at Ikea. (we would always go to Ikea when we first moved to a new assignment to get the basics) Silly, I know. I will say though, as this progresses I am able to recover from these waves of emotion much quicker and not get stuck in them quite as much.
Your New Years sounds wonderful surrounded by your kids and watching movies. No matter what happens with our M, we have wonderful families we have nurtured and will continue to love and share our life with. That gives me hope and meaning.
Happy New Year
M:49 H:49 T:28 M:26 S24, D19, S15 BD/PA: June 2016 H living separately next to OW
