SBJ.......when I read your post it made me cry cause I feel your pain. When you said "maybe I am just feeling what I want to feel. I don't know. I do know that I am trying to make sense of something that makes no sense. I will work hard on letting her go emotionally, as she has made the physical decision her self"
I have been separated for over a year and have had minimal contact from my H and yet I still hang on. I don't really know why but I do. I guess like you I am hoping that something I say or do will click in their mind and they will "get it"..... but as so many on here are saying we do not have any control over them. They have to figure it out for themselves. It is so hard to let them go. It doesn't seem right. For me I really don't know how long I can continue to do this and to hang on for.
Skm, my dear, I am so sorry. It's terribly painful! I hung on for a long time too. We had frequent contact because of the kids and that was hard too. Every time I saw him, it was a reminder that we were not together AND that he was with OW. It made me physically sick and I began abusing substances, was terribly underweight and became this shell of a person. It has taken me the last couple years to recover from the trauma. But I did, and I am, and you will too. I know that because you are here and you are trying.
The thing is, you can't force yourself to let go or detach. Like dieting, the more you have it (food) on the brain, the more you focus on it and the more attached you become. Forcing any detachment becomes a conundrum. The issue is that the attachment is now one sided and therefore pathological for you and causing you more pain. The key moving forward is to allow yourself to develop more, and new, healthy attachments to other things and people. Replace the negative with something postive. I promise it will get better slowly in time. That is why I believe in the DB philosophy--the only remedy is self love, GAL, and 180.
Can you think back to other times in your life that were hard and felt hopeless? Then think about how your perspective of the same thing was a couple months later and then several years later, and how do you feel about it now?
This may seem impossible now, but in time, it will get better and you will get stronger. You just need to get to the place where you can believe.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
